They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
