party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Two words: blizzard sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
