oh god the rape fog is back!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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