i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
