careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
