My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are two peas in an std pod
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
