i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
