i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
In America we eat man semen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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