We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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