Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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