watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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