fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
