that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
