I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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