You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
