think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
