she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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