i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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