I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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