this beer tastes like vomit already
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
