I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
