Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
