the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
