a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
