Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
