does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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