I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
