Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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