you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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