who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
