Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
