he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
