i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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