also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
