Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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