I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
even my farts smell like vagina
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
