Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
