nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
