I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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