I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
