I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
