the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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