Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
