so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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