Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
