I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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