There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
