happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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