have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize