glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
