Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
