My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
