Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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