when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
