these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
