can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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