you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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