After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
