i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
