butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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