I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Randomize
