i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
