Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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