I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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