the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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